End of year celebrations

A practical guide for parents and carers of school leavers

For Year 10 and 12 students the end of exams can signal the beginning of a new period of freedom and fun. What can you do to minimise the risk of something going wrong while your teenager lets their hair down?

‘Schoolies week’, ‘muck-up day’, ‘end of exam party’ - this collection of phrases can strike fear into the hearts of parents. There is no denying the dangers of large scale celebrations, but there is also no denying that teenagers have earnt the right to celebrate. Rather than ruling out end of year fun altogether, there are strategies parents and guardians can employ to minimise the risks.

Parties, trips away and other social activities are an integral part of most teenagers’ lives, allowing them to express themselves and display their independence. For teenagers proving that they have moved from childhood to adulthood is vital, the need to be taken seriously and accepted in the adult world is pressing. Here are a few simple ways you can make celebrations safer:

• keep up with what is going on in your child’s life;
• get to know their friends;
• talk to your teenager about your concerns; and
• know the law about supplying alcohol to people under the age of 18.

Dr Michael Carr-Gregg, one of Australia’s leading adolescent psychologists, emphasises the importance of respect and trust when developing relationships with teenagers.

‘The greatest single thing that any parent can do to improve communication with their adolescent son and daughter, is to think about them in a different way. Decide today to stop raising a child, and to start a relationship with a young adult.’

In outlining his keys to ultimate success in parent-teenager relationships, Carr-Gregg highlights the following which can easily be applied to the end of year celebration situation:

• keep calm
• set very clear boundaries and have both positive and negative consequences
• only argue over things that matter - let some things go by you
• avoid angry confrontations or ultimatums
• help them define the problems and options
• do not constantly remind them of past mistakes, and
• reduce the number of questions or explain why you are asking them.

Three of the most common scenarios parents will face when their teenager is finishing school or major exams are: hosting a party at home, their teenager wanting to go to a party hosted by someone else, or their teenager asking to go on a trip away from home with a group of friends.

Many parents will readily opt to host a party in their own home in order to control the environment in which their adolescent children celebrate. This is a deceptively simple solution to a complex problem, opening up a whole new set of issues for parents to deal with – gatecrashers, supply of alcohol, damage to property, noise… Careful planning is the key to overcoming these potential problems and ensuring teen partygoers enjoy themselves in a safe way.

The first steps when planning a party should be to set the boundaries – how long will the party go for and where in the house or yard will it take place? Making any no-go zones clear to your son or daughter from the outset is a wise idea. Once this has been decided it can also be a good idea to ‘party proof’ the house by removing any valuables or breakables you may be concerned about. An ‘invitation only’ party helps control numbers and prevents gatecrashers.

Informing your neighbours well in advance about your party plans helps to avoid any sudden angry confrontations on the night. You can also register the party with the local police, which may seem excessive, but in the case of a problem arising this registration can assist with the appropriate police response. The NSW Police Force has launched an official ‘Safe Party Strategy’ which includes the availability of a ‘Safe Party Pack’, a helpful checklist when planning and a notification form for registering your party with the police. These can all be downloaded from: www.police.nsw.gov.au/hot_topics/safe_party_strategy

It is the responsibility of the host parent to be aware of the law on supplying alcohol to minors. If there are going to be guests under the age of 18 you must be careful not to supply them with alcohol and have a plan of action prepared in case you discover they have brought their own alcohol or another guest is supplying them with alcohol. Confiscating drinks or asking guests to leave the party are some suggestions. The legal consequences of being found guilty of supplying alcohol to a minor (under 18) include an on-the-spot fine of $550 from police, a court penalty of $5,500 for each minor supplied and even a 12 month prison sentence. Strict rules about alcohol when hosting a party protect you and your guests.

Ensuring there are plenty of non-alcoholic options available at a party is essential and for some parents, having an alcohol-free party is the best choice. There are plenty of fun non-alcoholic party drinks that teenagers can enjoy, here’s one to get you started…

Mocktini
15 ml lime juice
15 ml lemon juice
60 ml tonic water
Place in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake, strain and serve in a martini glass!

In the case of your son or daughter wanting to go to a party hosted by someone else, many of the same concerns will arise. Will there be alcohol? Will it be adequately supervised? Will it be safe?

Following Dr Michael Carr-Gregg’s formula, one approach to this situation would be to explain that you need more information about the party before making a decision. You could discuss your concerns, contact the host’s parents and find out more about the arrangements.

Transport to and from the party is an issue and one that can be talked over with your teenager to come up with a solution that suits you both such as having a designated driver, car pooling with friends’ parents, staying the night at a friend’s place, or sharing a taxi.

Giving young partygoers a phone card or making them aware of the 1800 REVERSE number ensures that they can call home from any phone at any time, without money or a mobile phone.

Be prepared to have some very frank discussions with your teenager as you look at some of the issues that arise from teens travelling together.

It may seem at this point that raising teenagers is full of turmoil, hard work and stress, but to quote Dr Leanne Rowe, a Melbourne GP and parenting expert, it is worth remembering that ‘80 per cent of of teenagers are resilient and thrive. It’s not always a grim picture. It can be a very happy family time.’

Sources: The NSW Department of Education and Training, NSW Police Force

« Return to student support article topic